I would have never imagined that I would get here. I was a combination of being desirous + entitled + righteous + wanting to save everyone, probably as a way of saving myself too. When things didn’t work out my way, I was manipulative and angry. Even with myself. Despite being an adult, I was a deeply wounded child, wanting to be seen, heard, understood, accepted, and loved.
Through lots of therapy and coaching, I understood that nobody owed me anything despite the hurt that they caused me. Eventually, I came to realize that I had to take responsibility for my choice of staying a victim of my circumstances. And for choosing to fight battles that I generated through a distorted perspective of my circumstances and myself. Getting into the driver’s seat of my life, I learned how to raise my energy so as to feel grateful for who I am and my gifts. I practiced seeing the good in myself and others and seeing life in a whole new light. I took radical responsibility for my life when I removed the layers of labels, recognized the patterns of conditioning I carried, and broke free from the mold others had made for me.
To build myself up, I had to learn how to embrace and accept my life as it is. When I no longer fought to have things be different but instead allowed everything to be as it was, I realized that my life was mine to define and create. I forgave myself, and I released the guilt and judgments that I used to entertain constantly in my mind. I was not what others did to me and they were not what they did to me either. So, I poured love onto the pain, the guilt, and the war inside me, and it alchemized into spaciousness and an open heart.
I became ME by letting go of everything that was not ME. While I still have fears, self-doubt, judgments, etc., I know how to look at them lovingly & respectfully, and this is life-changing. I continue to make mistakes and I still choose to show up. I am more resilient because I hold myself lovingly responsible for what makes up my reality. My choices, my life, my responsibility.