Embrace Radical Responsibility

I would have never imagined that I would get here. I was a combination of being desirous + entitled + righteous + wanting to save everyone, probably as a way of saving myself too. When things didn’t work out my way, I was manipulative and angry. Even with myself. Despite being an adult, I was a deeply wounded child, wanting to be seen, heard, understood, accepted, and loved.

Through lots of therapy and coaching, I understood that nobody owed me anything despite the hurt that they caused me. Eventually, I came to realize that I had to take responsibility for my choice of staying a victim of my circumstances. And for choosing to fight battles that I generated through a distorted perspective of my circumstances and myself. Getting into the driver’s seat of my life, I learned how to raise my energy so as to feel grateful for who I am and my gifts. I practiced seeing the good in myself and others and seeing life in a whole new light. I took radical responsibility for my life when I removed the layers of labels, recognized the patterns of conditioning I carried, and broke free from the mold others had made for me.

To build myself up, I had to learn how to embrace and accept my life as it is. When I no longer fought to have things be different but instead allowed everything to be as it was, I realized that my life was mine to define and create. I forgave myself, and I released the guilt and judgments that I used to entertain constantly in my mind. I was not what others did to me and they were not what they did to me either. So, I poured love onto the pain, the guilt, and the war inside me, and it alchemized into spaciousness and an open heart.

I became ME by letting go of everything that was not ME. While I still have fears, self-doubt, judgments, etc., I know how to look at them lovingly & respectfully, and this is life-changing. I continue to make mistakes and I still choose to show up. I am more resilient because I hold myself lovingly responsible for what makes up my reality. My choices, my life, my responsibility.

All conflict means living in the past

What does it mean? It means replaying past events in our minds to find closure, heal, and align with what we wanted instead of what we got.

Choosing not to let go of what happened earlier, a day ago, or ten years ago, means choosing not to let go of the past because you may feel that doing so would mean betraying yourself rather than fighting for an apology, for your righteousness, or for seeing the other repent at your feet (all EGO based needs). The result of this approach: YOUR CHOICE OF antagonism, struggle, resistance, frustration, defiance.

Energy follows thought, so when you live within the frame of past conflicts, you will unconsciously see everything that is ‘wrong,’ broken, and ‘who is to blame’ for the pain you feel. You live in the realm of effects. You are at the mercy of your own distorted perceptions without even realizing it.

The solution is to look for the root cause of your suffering. It isn’t what happened to you. It’s what you do with that experience. What you make of it.

You may want to ask yourself, “What beliefs keep me stuck in this conflict? List them. Then, ask yourself: What will happen if I’ll keep believing this? Is this what I want to bring into my life? Is this what I want my life to be about? A crusade for…what?

You cannot fight for healing, for love, or for peace of mind. You can only BE THAT which you are looking for. That means, my love, reclaiming your power from where you unknowingly gave it away. Shift your focus to what really matters for you right here, right now. This will help you to shift your perspective and energy so that you can feel less attached to the apology, or to making things right. You will instead become more attuned to realizing that what you want is already here. You just need to become aware of it.

No one is coming to save you

I know it sucks sometimes. There is a lot of pain, frustration, and plain sorrow involved. You have your reasons, of course. She said, he said, they did this instead of that. I know you feel you deserve better. You absolutely do. However, no matter how right you are or how wrong they are, keeping this kind of division alive will not do you any justice. This will not heal you, it will not make the other change his/her mind, and it certainly will not make the present better. It doesn’t matter how many people validate you and invalidate the other person. As long as you don’t take responsibility for your part in the game, you will continue to feel those feelings. Feelings are present to draw your attention. You too have contributed to this situation. It might appear that you did nothing to create this mess, but a better approach will be to ask yourself ‘What conditions have led to this mess/rapture/struggle/conflict?’. Look at what you did and what you didn’t do. Take responsibility for your contribution to the situation (actions and inactions) because no one is coming to do it for you. Further, if you find yourself thinking ‘He/She/They made me feel like…’, just pause and think for a moment. No one can make you think + feel anything without your permission. No one can control your mind or heart. So why are you giving them that power? You made yourself think and feel as you did by the meaning you gave to the situation and by creating a direct connection between this meaning and your worth. This is your lower self/ego’s attempt to better the situation for you, to help you cope with the pain you have inflicted upon yourself. Come back to the heart. Look at this experience through a loving lens and take loving responsibility for your part in the experience. Awaken the goodness (love) within you and let that be the starting point for healing.

Bottom line: A victim mindset invites more circumstances in your life to prove that what you believe and feel is true. Energy follows thought. What you think today shapes your tomorrow. Following this principle, you create your relationships based on the relationship you have with yourself.

All my love,

Ana

What do you want more of? What do you want less of?

We are getting closer to the holiday season, which means we are entering a more relaxed phase of the year. I want to take this opportunity to tell you what I am ready to create in my life and what I am ready to let go of. I invite you to consider the following questions with curiosity, and to see what the answers reveal for you.

I’ll start first…

I WANT MORE presence in myself, my life, and in the world. I want to approach myself with more gentleness and compassion. I want to meet myself where I am in the moment without judgment or the need to push myself past what is present for me right now. Every day, I choose to take a moment to look inward. This will enable me to create more awareness and bring more love to myself by listening to and nurturing my feelings.

I WANT MORE patience and spaciousness in my relationships with my loved ones. I want to do more fun activities with my kids and more walks in nature with my husband. More of…letting my friends know how much I love them more often. More of…embracing our differences versus our similarities and see where that leads.

I WANT MORE social media exposure and more meaningful connections. I want to be here with you, to get to know each other better, to bring you useful and practical content. I want to tell you more about who I am, why I am here, and how I can be of service to the world. I want to bring my whole self into purposeful conversations with you, and I want to learn from you; we are each other’s students and teachers. This is my living room, and I welcome you all in. Let me know how I can best support your growth and transformation.

Lastly, I WANT LESS divisiveness and fractures in human interactions. I’d like to see less judgment among people, less fear, less need to prove a point, and less manipulation. I want to spend less time on things that do not add value to my life (small talk, a certain type of news, household activities).

What about you? In the comments, let me know what you would like MORE of and what you would like less of. Let’s set some intentions for the future.

All my love for what makes us more of who we really are,

Ana